Valuing effort and progress as opposed to results has been shown to contribute positively to a child’s development. With a bit of encouragement, you can help your child learn to trust in their abilities.
Children with low self-esteem tend to give up easily, and will often exhibit the following characteristics:
- Difficulty making friends
- A sullen mood
- Built-up frustrations
- A constant feeling of discouragement
- A tendency to abandon difficult tasks
- Etc.
Did you know? At certain times, your child’s self-esteem may be more fragile. By being attentive and always focusing on your child’s efforts, you can have a positive effect on the situation. If things don’t improve, consider reaching out to one of the specialists at your child’s school.
When a child’s hard work and progress are valued, they tend to see themselves in a more positive light, meaning they have higher self-esteem. If they believe they have what it takes to succeed, they can face difficult situations head-on with determination and perseverance. In practical terms, encouraging your child’s efforts will have a positive impact on the following:
- Their motivation
- Their attitude
- Their autonomy
- Their self-confidence
- Their ability to cope with challenges and frustrations
- Their ability to find solutions to problems
- Etc.
Studies have shown that, when confronted with an obstacle, children who are confident in their abilities are more likely to roll up their sleeves and push forward. Since perseverance is directly related to self-esteem, parents are advised to emphasize their child’s efforts rather than their results. Here are a few ways to give your child a confidence boost:
1. Tell them how proud you are of their hard work
Even if you’re slightly disappointed by their results, you should acknowledge your child’s efforts in clear terms. For example, you can say:
- “I’m really proud of you for completing all the required readings.”
- “I’m so proud of you for handing in all your assignments on time.”
- Etc.
2. Focus on their progress
Children dealing with certain academic challenges often feel that their efforts are pointless. To help them see the glass half full, try to focus on their improvements. For example, you can say the following:
- “Great job! You made two fewer mistakes than on the last exam!”
- “Not so long ago, you couldn’t sit still for more than two minutes. Now, you’ve been focused for a good five minutes. You’re doing so well!”
- Etc.
3. General tips
To acknowledge your child’s efforts in a broader sense, you can do the following:
- Point out accomplishments that you’re especially proud of
- Avoid comparing your child to others
- Leave encouraging notes in their lunch box
- Show your support with non-verbal language (e.g., applaud, give a thumbs-up)
- Etc.
Instead of pointing out the mistakes your child made on their homework assignment, try counting the number of correct answers to boost their self-esteem.
Writing : Catherine Couturier
Scientific review : Valérie Leclair, psychoeducator
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Rewriting : Alloprof Parents’ team
-ABOUCAYA È. Kornberg-Anzel C. & Skrzynski C, « L’éducation positive », Édition Marabout, 127p.
Guédeney, Nicole. “Les racines de l’estime de soi : apports de la théorie de l’attachement.” Devenir, vol. 23. pp. 129–144.