Does your child seem to prefer the company of their teddy bear to that of other kids? Do they rarely speak up and often answer questions with little conviction? It could be that they’re a bit shy! Read on for tips on helping your child build self-confidence.
Self-esteem and shyness are closely related. A child who feels incompetent and who has a negative self-image will tend to be more withdrawn. That’s why it's important to highlight your child’s skills. For example, try giving them compliments related to the following:
- School (e.g., “You’re an attentive student,” “You’re a great writer”)
- Behaviour (e.g., “You’re very polite,” “You’re patient”)
- Social skills (e.g., “Your friends seem to really like you,” “It’s wonderful that you’re always willing to share”)
- Sports (e.g., “You’re a fast runner,” “You’re a terrific teammate”)
- Etc.
Good self-esteem fosters the ability to set goals and persevere. To learn more, we invite you to read our article on the topic.
Shyness is also caused by feeling evaluated and judged by others. To help your child cope with these feelings, teach them to identify their emotions. For example, ask the following questions:
- “Are you afraid of feeling silly?”
- “Do you feel like you’re being a bother?”
- “Are you afraid of being rejected?”
- Etc.
Once the source of discomfort has been identified, there are a number of ways to reassure your child. For instance, you could do the following:
- Tell them they’re doing a good job
- Talk about your own experiences
- Remind them of a time when they got through a similar situation
- Etc.
A bit of daring is required to overcome shyness! To help your child get past their self-consciousness, encourage them to come up with a few calming phrases:
- “I know how to ask a question because I do it often at home.”
- “I can give my opinion, and I know that it’s worth as much as anyone else’s.”
- “I have the right to say no, and I know my friends will still like me.”
- Etc.
Help your child by encouraging them to take on increasingly difficult challenges. Remember to keep them realistic—your child won’t overcome all their fears overnight! Be sure to do the following:
- Focus on effort as opposed to grades
- Give meaning to your child’s tasks
- Display your child’s goals in a strategic location
- Etc.
Providing encouragement is essential for success! It’s a simple gesture that helps build confidence and self-esteem. Here are some things you can do to show your child how proud you are of their progress:
- Reward their efforts
- Give them words of encouragement (e.g., “I believe in you,” “You have what it takes”)
- Praise them when they succeed
- Etc.
Help your child stay motivated by leaving encouraging messages for them to find throughout the day!
Writing : Anabel Cossette Civitella
Scientific review : Anne-Marie Audet, psychoeducator
Rewriting : The Alloprof Parents' team
Entretien téléphonique avec Émilie Dumont, psychoéducatrice au doctorat qui étudie la relation entre l’inhibition comportementale (timidité) et le développement de l’anxiété sociale, faisant partie du Groupe de recherche sur les environnements scolaires (GRES), à Montréal.
Entretien téléphonique avec Gérald Boutin, professeur associé à l’UQAM dont l’expertise est l’intervention en milieu familial.